The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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