I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
