i don't like sucking hair
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
