i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
