Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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