She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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