it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
