Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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