I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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