Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
