Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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