i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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