i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Every concussion has its silver lining
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
