make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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