He asked to "fluff my boner.."
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
