my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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