you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
