3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
