all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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