i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
