Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
