We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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