I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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