I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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