well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
