My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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