I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
