i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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