She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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