if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Found your dick twin last night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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