I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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