shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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