my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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