No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
time to smoke my breakfast
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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