I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
