You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
