So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
