A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize