So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
