That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
