i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
