Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
