I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
