have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize