hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
