Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
