dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Fuck appropriateness.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
