her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
