Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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