is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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