just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
