Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
