Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
