nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
