apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
