I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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