that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize