Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
