you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize