I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
