If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
