we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
