apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You are a genius and a whore.
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