It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
