Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The best revenge is premature balding
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
