what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
