I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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