How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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