yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
