More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
